boiling point 21.7.08

I have probably just realised this. It is important not to look down upon other people, or they will end up not liking you (they look down upon you too).

This is probably obvious and quite a general thing. But the thing is, I don’t think people actually realise it if it is actually happening to them. That is to say, I am sort of seeing it lately – someone I know being disliked, and this person actually has problems dealing with those peeps – possibly coz I know that person, in reality, do not have such good perception upon them. This person probably can tell about being disliked, but possibly does not realise the "why" part, even though, I have tried talking to this person about it before.

I have to say, it has come to my limits. I won’t say I like this person so much, not that I hate this person either. But this person’s actions can really raise questions from you, next up raising your curiosity of the things that the person has just said whether they are true or not (make sense, or not), then somehow the curiosity changes into somewhat a strange dissatisfaction (when I do not think what is being said by this person is true, although it’s just the person’s thoughts). This dissatisfaction, let me now claim that it has a temperature. Usually it is at a stable level, that is, if this dissatisfaction ever arises. But recently, it came to its limit. The temperature had gone off the boiling point. When I thought I would do it best by keeping quiet, putting my attention to something else and not responding much to what was being said, the person kept going.

If I actually end up not being too fond of this person, maybe (I insist, maybe, not necessarily true) this person thinks I’m just being sambil lewa; maybe, this person looks down on me. Yeah, this person works hard, I guess, it seems to be a tight principle of this person’s that hard work is the only way to success. But looking down on others who are not working as hard? It seems wrong. Other people have their own way of doing things even if it isn’t doing something with that kind of hard work like this person is doing. It seems like this person’s attention can be reached if you are either a very hardworking person, a nice person, a quiet of a person, a bright-looking person or a top scorer of some sort.

And so then, look at me. The supposedly quiet person who has skills in English who probably looks rajin. Duh? Does that necessarily mean I was a super-good person back in the past? A super active girl holding many positions in school clubs with super-excellent results in the important exams? A super-nice and friendly person who was in charge of many activities or representative of the school in important events, close to the teachers and well-known by juniors or seniors? Why are these stuff being brought up again when I have no desire to ever talk about such things again? A thing of the past. School stuff. I do not know – but I am pretty sure not much people out there hates school as much as I do. And I have my own reasons. Even on a sidenote, many of my batchmates sure hates it – MRSM Batu Pahat, Johor – given a choice, many would’ve probably wouldn’t want to go back there or ever even entered that school in the first place. And I used to wonder why so many of these people left that school even when there was only 1 year left in schooling days (2005), only I got it after I left that school. But in addition to the reasons why our batch hated that school, I have my own other personal reasons. Maybe, to conclude, whatever it was with my so-called good grades, I was a total nothing in school. Or anywhere else for that matter. Anytime, all back then. Having the good grades is another thing, being totally passive was another thing. Continuing until now, I guess some parts of it are still there. I hated being thought or looked at as the rajin-and-smart kind of person that others think is in a good position and have nothing to worry about, since people with good grades are socially looked high upon and you can say,respected. But any other aspects? A total nothing. A something that others generally do not understand. I doubt this person understands it either. So the continuous stuff about working hard, studying harder and struggle more is getting out of my optimum temperature.

Before it really gets on my nerves, maybe I have to stay out of the house here, as much as I could.