days go on 06 8.12.07

whew. outside of my home, i fall asleep fast. less than 2 minutes in average. at home, there is no chance to fall asleep. well, i never really give myself that chance. in a way, it's really bad for my health. time all gets jumbled up and it makes ya tired. DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. =)

well then lots of things have happened since the past 1 week, too dramatic for me to adjust to myself. obviously, i've showed just how emotional i could be, and that's really the truth of what i am. but indeed i still love being a happy person. not giving people a smile even on my worst days would really ruin my life even more. that's basically my nature, even though in a way that's not good at all as i'm hiding what i may feel deep inside. at the end of the day though, i still feel good about it, coz i managed to make no one worry about me, that makes me feel good enough =D

i hope i was never the kind of person who thinks too much. a complicated mindset that grew within me as i grow up, living the kind of life i've been having. but everyone's been destined to be somebody, believe in your fate. there is a reason for everything even though sometimes certain things are hard to comprehend. really though, the way i've been thinking has probably set me apart from my life with others. it made me keep away from things that i could really want, out of fear for things related to myself, the past and the people around me. imagine being afraid of snakes as your greatest fear... except for me, it ain't snakes but people. being afraid of them, you chase them away. hmm.. this could be a wrong way to describe my situation, but hehe, well, sort of something like that... chasing away what i fear, thinking it was the best decision. the difference is, what i'm chasing away is maybe what i needed in my life exactly... then to find that i regretted the decision, wishing i could turn back time.

but turning back time means i have to re-sit ssabsa exams.. LOL.. ok getting ridiculous here again. maybe i won't chase them away anymore. i'd welcome them in my life... but maybe not to a point of having a special someone anymore. friends are all great people actually! and they're all special in my life! if only i'm better at showing that feeling off to them.. hehe =')

right now kinda waiting for results of ssabsa to come out. somehow no one is liking their holiday.. that includes me. this is already december... 2007. the weirdest, most complicated year of my life. there are people i'll never forget whom i knew this year, happenings i'll keep forever in my heart and memories i'll cherish forever...
the moment is almost here, which is scaring me out bad. the outcome is unpredictable, yet i hope for the best. i hope God help us all, i really do.

only God knows..
-- check out romantic love song from 80's, i guess, rick price's heaven knows :)