bad... たすけて! 25.5.08

oh, this is bad.

first of all, i am starting to hate my sleeping habits lately. becoming nocturnal again O_o
not that i consider this as awful for myself or anything, but the effects from it are bad. i like staying up at night since there is more peace of doing that. but then i keep getting the headaches during the day. didn't i once say i'd rather read the entire book of campbell biology rather than have my migraine again? not to mention this kinda affects my eating habits as well..duh all the instant stuff, even if i have plenty of it, i have not much interest to consume them anymore unless if the stomach is desperate. since i've been staying up a lot at night lately, it's kinda hard to turn the sleep timing back to the way it used to be. it's really tiring this way :(

and then there's the clothes waiting to be washed. but oh me? keep pushing it aside, putting it on hold. guess there's that washing machine that is up and working, but i just don't like to use the washing machine unless this is my own home -_-"

and i really hope one day i can chat with him again, the way it once was. just innocent, wacko-ish or maybe thoughtful @ knowledgeable chats with no hard feelings in there. putting all those problems that we had ever been through behind. coz if the pain caused all this time between us is still there, our friendship will never go back to normal. and i really hope for normal, even if it seems impossible. i am healing, at least i'm trying to be and i will get to that point, i will strive for it. and i'm sure i can reach for it, this time.

and oh! the exams are closing by!

and, ah, set apart all those other things. T_T

honestly, trouble now. たすけて! tasukete!

fouled 8.5.08

It was just a simple message, as it seemed. But it was not the first time.

Fuxx. Wtf. Fuck you. Anything else goes; I got all of this before. Do I deserve that? Is whatever it was that I did, worth it for me to get that? I don’t know. As far as I am seeing it, I am the only one treated this way. Others ask and the worst thing that could happen to them is to be ignored. I ask, and I get this. As always, such things never fail to make me upset with my heart sunken down. It just felt worse when I really don’t know where I did wrong, starting from me asking a few things. To get such foul wordings as if I was being hated so damn much.

It is so damn upsetting. It causes the rise of hate and the feeling of wanting to hate self. Still, often, and just recently too, he was so oblivious to it. I guess he just doesn’t realise it, like nothing happened.