I have probably just realised this. It is important not to look down upon other people, or they will end up not liking you (they look down upon you too).
This is probably obvious and quite a general thing. But the thing is, I don’t think people actually realise it if it is actually happening to them. That is to say, I am sort of seeing it lately – someone I know being disliked, and this person actually has problems dealing with those peeps – possibly coz I know that person, in reality, do not have such good perception upon them. This person probably can tell about being disliked, but possibly does not realise the "why" part, even though, I have tried talking to this person about it before.
I have to say, it has come to my limits. I won’t say I like this person so much, not that I hate this person either. But this person’s actions can really raise questions from you, next up raising your curiosity of the things that the person has just said whether they are true or not (make sense, or not), then somehow the curiosity changes into somewhat a strange dissatisfaction (when I do not think what is being said by this person is true, although it’s just the person’s thoughts). This dissatisfaction, let me now claim that it has a temperature. Usually it is at a stable level, that is, if this dissatisfaction ever arises. But recently, it came to its limit. The temperature had gone off the boiling point. When I thought I would do it best by keeping quiet, putting my attention to something else and not responding much to what was being said, the person kept going.
If I actually end up not being too fond of this person, maybe (I insist, maybe, not necessarily true) this person thinks I’m just being sambil lewa; maybe, this person looks down on me. Yeah, this person works hard, I guess, it seems to be a tight principle of this person’s that hard work is the only way to success. But looking down on others who are not working as hard? It seems wrong. Other people have their own way of doing things even if it isn’t doing something with that kind of hard work like this person is doing. It seems like this person’s attention can be reached if you are either a very hardworking person, a nice person, a quiet of a person, a bright-looking person or a top scorer of some sort.
And so then, look at me. The supposedly quiet person who has skills in English who probably looks rajin. Duh? Does that necessarily mean I was a super-good person back in the past? A super active girl holding many positions in school clubs with super-excellent results in the important exams? A super-nice and friendly person who was in charge of many activities or representative of the school in important events, close to the teachers and well-known by juniors or seniors? Why are these stuff being brought up again when I have no desire to ever talk about such things again? A thing of the past. School stuff. I do not know – but I am pretty sure not much people out there hates school as much as I do. And I have my own reasons. Even on a sidenote, many of my batchmates sure hates it – MRSM Batu Pahat, Johor – given a choice, many would’ve probably wouldn’t want to go back there or ever even entered that school in the first place. And I used to wonder why so many of these people left that school even when there was only 1 year left in schooling days (2005), only I got it after I left that school. But in addition to the reasons why our batch hated that school, I have my own other personal reasons. Maybe, to conclude, whatever it was with my so-called good grades, I was a total nothing in school. Or anywhere else for that matter. Anytime, all back then. Having the good grades is another thing, being totally passive was another thing. Continuing until now, I guess some parts of it are still there. I hated being thought or looked at as the rajin-and-smart kind of person that others think is in a good position and have nothing to worry about, since people with good grades are socially looked high upon and you can say,respected. But any other aspects? A total nothing. A something that others generally do not understand. I doubt this person understands it either. So the continuous stuff about working hard, studying harder and struggle more is getting out of my optimum temperature.
Before it really gets on my nerves, maybe I have to stay out of the house here, as much as I could.
boiling point 21.7.08
tag again 17.7.08
dari kak zahi yang mengaku dia gila...
Mari TAG!
1. Nama-nama timangan oleh orang yang tersayang :
* If/Ifyani - kawan2 saya
* adique - keluarga saya (lebih kepada adik, sebenarnya, hehe, juz to make it unique :D )
2. Anda seorang yang . . . . .
* disorganized in real life.
* very blur & anxious in new environment
* don't have much to say; thus is regarded as "pendiam" and introverted
* loves writing :)
3. Insan-insan teristimewa?
* keluarga
* rakan2
* ......
4. Favourite Food?
* egg tart
* fries & mCchicken
* sukun goreng... lama sungguh tak makan :(
5. Favourite Colour?
* hitam & putih - walaupun saya tak rasa ini dikira sebagai "warna"
* biru
6. Favourite Songs?
* includes lagu2 yang tertulis di section "fav" di column sebelah ni
* broken - lifehouse
* certain lagu instrumental @ orchestra (ost nodame cantabile, hirano yoshihisa's, pachelbel's canon in d major)
* my heart draws a dream - l'arc~en~ciel
7. Sikap Yang Membuatkan Anda Stress (takde la stress kot, x suke je)
* terlalu mengutuk orang lain
* uncooperative
8. 3 Benda Yang Mesti Ada Dalam Handbag?(saya tukar ye - Mesti Ada Dengan Saya)
* handphone
* purse
* kunci umah (kalau kat hostel monash)
9. Kali terakhir anda menangis beria-ria?
* disember 2007
10. Tag 4 of your friends/family
hm... tak cukup orang nak tag.. huhu... tak payah la kot..
sekian dahulu post kali ini.. terima kasih
welcome to life 6.7.08
At first when I heard "Welcome to NHK", I pictured this is about some protagonist working in the Japanese broadcasting station, more or else, with some twisted humour. Not really - it is a new introduction into a world that is different from any other things I have watched before. It goes deep within me, for a comedy-drama anime with a psychological attachment and a dark side of society. Funny and touching in one package.
When I watched its first few episodes for the first time, it seemed absurd, I couldn't believe I was watching this - I could not understand why my ex-schoolmate Abe, who is the expertise in this anime/manga field, recommended this to me. He is good at it, with the titles he had recommended to me so far had not been a waste - this guy's first words spoken to me were whether I knew of the anime where the guy protagonist had a girl attached to his right hand (Midori no hibi), at the time, I had no idea what the heck he was talking about. But hear me out first; I wouldn't waste this space to comment about a story that I have recently watched if I didn't think it was worth it. Not just another anime - indeed, it has a storyline I could relate to, so very deeply with my own life. Writing reviews on my blog - is once in a blue moon - this may be that once.
Welcome to the NHK is about several people living in Tokyo: 
1) Satou Tatsuhiro = a 22-year-old man; a NEET (Not in Employment, Education, or Training) as he is a university dropout and not working; a hikikomori (acute social withdrawal, anti-social) as he lives a reclusive life staying in his messy apartment not going out at all but only to the convenience store; has a strange conclusion that it happens because of some conspiracy by an organisation called N.H.K. - Nihon Hikikomori Kyokai or translated as Japanese Social Withdrawal Association. According to him, supposedly NHK aims to turn people into hikikomori and NEETs, based upon the "supposed fact" that hikikomori are needed in society for the purpose of giving people someone to look down upon, making themselves feel superior to them. Satou wants to break free from NHK's clutches, but unable so, since he finds it too frightening to go out by himself. He's not really an otaku, but similarly, is a hikikomori - who are all afraid of rejection by the society around them.
2) Nakahara Misaki = female, 17, claims to be able to cure Satou of his hikikomori ways; not much is known about her until few episodes before the series ends; manages to slowly get Satou to get out of his hikikomori life when she invites Satou to join her special "project" to cure him of his hikikomori ways.
3) Yamazaki Kaoru = male, 20, Satou's neighbour and high school junior, an otaku; works with Satou together to create the greatest hentai game of all time.
4) Kashiwa Hitomi = female, Satou's senpai in high school who was in the Literature Club with Satou, also fascinated by the concept of conspiracy theories; has deep depression and takes pills for it.
Source: Wikipedia and some anime blogs (2008) --> I love citations :)
After beginning to watch it, I thought the idea of the conspiracy was brought up so often, it didn't make sense to me. The small blue mascots of conspiracy are really annoying too at first. It was even hard to remember or even pronounce hikikomori. But it is fun to watch this when I decided to go on and see what was gonna happen next to Satou, with those funny moments and dark humour. In the beginning the story seemed light and, (yeah, of course - to me anyway) ridiculous, but as I went on the storyline became more painful for the characters, that is, quite more serious. The story reflects real life social problems, and some of them could identify me so well. 
To note that Satou really wants to get out of his hikikomori life and live like a normal person, but unable to do so, he felt so miserable and useless - eventually leads him to sink into a deep depression, as if being dead might have been a better option - but death is just not the solution. He might sometimes pretend he is all right, and goes on with his hikikomori routines, played games for days and sleeps 16 hours a day - in the end he succumbs to it, in pain, wondering how much longer would he be living that way. Afraid of changing his ways, he feels better if he could just disappear. It is hard to change, and this I can feel too well. To think that death and pain is just simply easier than changing, is a thought that is rather too simplified to deal with life's hardships, but it isn't as simple as it looks like; it only causes more pain and trouble, whatever the consequences are. Then comes a person who wants to help and care for him, Misaki, without him knowing anything about her other than her name. She appears in his life quite out of nowhere offering "cure" for his hikikomori ways, secretly having her own tragic past that goes unfolded later in the series. 
Because of her past and the life she is having, she feels her life is filled of loneliness - so Misaki tends to think she is useless, too, but in a different way than Satou. So she helps others - tries to, help Satou, hoping to feel needed by someone, so as to prove she isn't as useless and troublesome to the people around her in the world as she thought she was.
Welcome to N.H.K. originated from a novel by the same name, or N.H.K. ni Youkoso, and also made into a manga before the anime came out. Drugs are also involved in the novel/manga as it seems, but not portrayed in the anime - I'd love to get the novel, someday...
Other than the anime itself, Welcome to N.H.K. also has great music with it. Hearing the 1st ending song (Odoru Akachan Ningen) for the first time, I didn't like it; at least the Ababa thing was what I didn't like going into my ears - other than that, I like the song especially the piano and drums. That's just me, though. Eventually though, I came to like the song (Odoru Akachan Ningen), as I think it's fun and banging from the start, and the other songs and soundtracks for this anime, are great as well. And, kinda annoyingly, I am hooked with the song Purupuru Pururin that came out in the early episodes of this anime. Can't help it; it's happy and catchy. No wonder Satou too ended up singing it without realising it, much to his annoyance, after hearing that song being played loudly over and over again by his neighbour. The melancholic Modokashii Sekai no Ue de is also nice, sung by the voice of Misaki, with its frustrated yet hopeful lyrics.
Strange way to put it, but Welcome to N.H.K. has left me with different thoughts upon how I look at certain things than before. It is funny yet touching, it got me thinking deeper than usual after I ended watching this, still occasionally having those thoughts till today (it has been days). There are a lot of things from this story that I could relate to myself - like mixing a part of Satou- being afraid of the world and leads a reclusive life as a result of this, with that of Misaki- caring much for a guy whom she was trying to help - just to name a few of those things, which all seem so familiar to myself. It comes out as my personal favourite - one of the best out there. Thanks, Abe. I would definitely recommend it to anyone out there - not to stop watching it just after the first few episodes, as the good parts will come about as you go further.
Warning: May contain nudity. -_-" Makes me wonder if men's thoughts are always like him in this case??
Did I mention absurdity?
But still, recommended story =)
Anata wa hitori ja nai kara.
[You're not alone.] - Kurosagi
- just to say we are never alone, therefore we should not give up on life, ever -
