self-pity - part 2 28.6.09

Berapa lama lagi kau mahu melarikan diri?
Tiap-tiap kali, kembali kepada perkara yang sama kau lakukan untuk terus tidak menghadapi masalah yang selama ini kau hadapi.
Hari ini, kau akan pergi, rakanku.
Bolehkah kau menghadapi kehidupan ini?

When she got sick of everything, although seemingly nothing is wrong, she would succumb to her problems by going to sleep that lasts long while pondering out, wondering why her life turns out to be this way. When she asks me why life treats her this way and how is she ever gonna get thru it, really, what can a person say? Because I can only say so much but everything else depends on her own will to carry on with her life and what she does with it.

"Kalau ko tak bangun sekarang, aku siram ko dengan air jap lagi."

A person with such hygienic needs really disliked this. Oh, close enough. As it turned out that there was no water in the house the same day I decided I really wanted to do so, that I was only able to take a bit of leftover pipe water soaked into a tissue and I poured it onto her. A bad day indeed, screw Jabatan Air Selangor on that day.

Today is the day that she and I, two people of different worlds would probably find it hard to see each other again. Somehow all this while we have created a bond between one another unlike the other people we have lived with before, possibly because of the problems we share with each other. I still have to say, there has to be several things I have learned from it although being a human, I get annoyed sometimes. Everything happens for a reason. Ahah, technically we still only live in one world. I can still go and visit her next time around if I want to - to figure out how she'll be doing.

Snap out of it, that pity.

dear you; yours truly, me 27.6.09

Dear Yumni,

Uh oh your name on top! Don't you feel special or what? Yeah, I rarely update my blog. Apparently lately I have been re-activated somehow? But do you know something? This is unfair, I do not get to read yours anymore. You did not invite me to your private blog last time remember! :(

Dear Syaa,

Wah, it was really fun to be 'strangling' you from behind last night at Naim's house last night. Well, just that I know how that tickles and that really seems cute. Why is it again I am blogging about this? Will be going for your housewarming!

Dear Rasyid (+ Rahman later),

Woah, after about half a year, a bit of maturation there, boy! More grown mustache, or something, hahah. Glad to see you again, my friend! Hope everyone else is doing good too. Take care of Adib when he gets to where you were a week ago. Err, take care of? Nevermind, friends should take care of each other! But hey, with the number of my friends here in Monash decreasing, I am sure gonna get more sad, so there goes here also for Rahman (the maturation point up there has nothing to do with you if you ever even read this). The least - it'd be good to know if my friends are doing well! So take cares!

Dear home,

I will get to you soon. :) One of the good reasons is to bother and chase my white cat that has halved voice (or something) - is it in your genes, passed hereditarily by your father to you in previous generations before without being truly expressed? Because you're a unique cat that is unlike your previous generation...
OK, knock it off, get that genetics out of your head! The exam was not a good memory!!
Other than that, Seremban the too-much-for-nothing here I come. Sis, really into Transformers that you decided to give yourself some break from your day job huh?

Dear world and everyone else,

I finished my exams. For anyone who hasn't, I really wish you well. Now do I realise that I have been through half of the course here at Monash? 1.5 years to go. Really, I have to do a change of strategy of something or else... money can really fly into a flopped subject. I really have to value my every 10 cent, haha. Now I am only relaxing and going out as I wish till I go back home. Hah, baju tak basuh lagi! Err, I think I will need to come back here from home before I even realise it; the holidays are too short, and the fasting month would be approaching soon after. Eh, tiba-tiba terpikir pasal Raya dah. Nahh. Everyone take care ok? Break a leg but don't lose one. I care for ya! It's a world full of surprises out there.

Your struly,

If
- lonely stranger -

self-pity - part 1 22.6.09

"Do you know what you're doing now? It's called self-pity."

It seemed like two persons originating from different lifestyles who had one significant thing in common. Or not, maybe we both had nothing in common but only that we share the same hope. I believe between two persons, there is always one thing you can share in common - then, even if it's hope, it's good. There was a reason why we met. I cannot leave a person hanging in the shadows all by herself without trying my very best to make things better, even if what she is doing annoys me sometimes. It was annoying, simply because I know there is no easy way out of our problems and sometimes I could only watch her in despair although I was a friend; but you know, I am still and always will be, trying my best. Even if I was just sitting next to the friend only listening without able to do much, since our problems can only be solved by ourselves. Motivation, maybe, is all I can try to give, even though that is what I lack of at times. Because I will never wanna leave my friend hanging in the shadows alone.

NANA is the story where two girls meet, both having different lives, but apart of their differences they can still hang together under the same roof with like and respect, through each other's problems. My life and hers, seem homologous to this.

Snap out of your ridiculous self pity.

Because I have been there before, I wouldn't want another person to be in the same shoes. Snap out - when you think too heavily that you're a burden and of no use and make no difference to the society, just snap out of it.

Self pity was my worst enemy.

mis, part 2 - communication 19.6.09

I have disappeared from the chatting community. Well, pretty much, heh. Has anyone seen me online much?

What I am trying to say is that I have come to dislike communication that comes in the written form, or something like that. I would use YM on those once in a blue moon days - em, sorta... hehe... sometimes to check what happened to my messenger and like to discuss some undone work for a soon-to-due assignment. That probably counts why I haven't been blogging much lately, haha, but oh well I don't dislike blogging, just kinda lazy?But.. Seriously? Yeah, MSN or YM or the like. If I am on, I am usually not chatting much, just being online as the status sets it, with a weird status maybe if I decided to go crazy with my words on that day and decided to tell people about it. But if it just involves typing and typing in the conversation, I guess I don't do that as often anymore. I really don't understand why much either, but I really dislike it.

Why? Well it can cause misunderstanding, for the main reason. And I have gone through it often enough - misinterpreting someone's SMS etc to the point that it could actually cause a bad ending. Written communication only puts out the words on some flat screen either on the phone or the monitor, sometimes it has no expression. Well you can add the expression using some words, still it can be missed or even be misunderstood as something else. Although it can be solved, and it doesn't happen all the time, still, adoi... don't you hate misunderstandings?

Direct communication. Callings and face to face interaction, I think are the best. You think of something that dissatisfies you regarding the other person you are currently talking to, you can express it in your words by saying it straight away, coming from your own mouth. Written communication, as I think, if there is dissatisfaction, like there's an argument going on or one party suddenly gets mad, then that person might just end it there. Like, ceh, malas ah nak reply mesej camni! Dang. Sudden stop in interaction of SMS there, for example, and the other party may not even know that you are upset. [Hm, one more reason to dislike technology for often it ruins the beauty of communication although it usually helps us to communicate. Yeah, I like its features but I can really hate technology a lot sometimes.] But if you're in direct communication, you can get mad right there and it's obvious - both parties might need to try to solve it.

But in direct communication, I think people tend to lie more. That's probably how you escape your problem: lying. To escape your problem using written communication: do not respond (reply SMS, comment, etc).

Hm, I still like it the direct way - which is what I am bad at, which, is why I need to improve it. Tell it to my face, not behind my back, not on a text message or anything the like.

Still, point is? I am not someone who likes chatting through instant messenger anymore, unless you're using Voice Calls. Heh. (It's not too bad, but I don't do it often anymore.) It's probably better to call people more often now too. Hmm.

But then again, when I say written, it doesn't really include conventional written ways to communicate such as sending snail mails and postcards. Those are still nice, don't you think? :)



And by the way, I really like this song! The vid, if you watch it, sure shows you that the real artists don't need to be in it to make it a cool vid.
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Now playing: Coldplay - Life In Technicolor ii
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