so many things 11.4.10

So many things...

left unsaid.
kept in my head.
that should have been spoken.
that I make mistakes of.
I am afraid of.
worrying me.
that make no sense at all, but bugs me anyway.
stopping me from doing what I want.
made me put up an invisible wall between myself and others.
make me wonder, what can I do about it?
that I can still do.
left to do, and I will do.

For the while that I will keep living, I should keep striving.

mak dan abah kata 1.4.10

Di suatu majlis kenduri doa selamat di rumah kakakku, sempena kakak aku yang baru pindah rumah, seorang jiran pernah tengok aku dan berkata, ni sorang ni nape tak cakap pape pun?

Abah kata, nak tau apa yang aku fikir, tengoklah Facebook dia.

Mak kata, mungkin aku macam tak banyak cakap, tapi sekali cakap, hah... keluarlah terus benda yang unexpected.

mentalness 15.3.10

Are you mentally retarded or something?

Don't get me wrong. I am not saying that to anyone. But it definitely comes out a lot out there. I really dislike it when I hear something like that. The people who say such things and alike, are what I call ignorant people. And I can't even blame them for it because they just don't know much about the field of mental health. Mental illness does not equate to being literally crazy. Maybe it's a problem, since I do not know how else to put it, go ask a psychiatrist. Seeing a psychiatrist too doesn't mean you're really off. There's just another whole different story to it.

Just a thought. Ah, the recent posts, are all 'crazy' stuff? =.= Thank God I am still sane after all this while.

digilakan 21.1.10

Aku rasa bagaikan aku akan digilakan. CRAZYNIFIED. Dalam diriku aku banyak berfikir. Di luar skop yang normal. Mungkin berlainan dari tanggapan orang lain di kelilingku tapi aku pun tidak tahu adakah tanggapanku benar, yang kufikirkan tak salah, walaupun bukan kumaksudkan tanggapan mereka salah. Dan aku tak tahu bagaimana nak mengatasinya. Satu-satunya cara adalah memohon kepada-Nya. Hanya Dia yang memahami apa yang berada di dalam benak fikiranku, dan hanya Dia yang tahu kebenarannya. Di dalam dunia yang semakin tidak pasti ini, aku sudah semakin keliru. Permudahkanlah keadaan ini untukku, dan tenangkanlah aku.